Its been quite awhile since I've been awake this late (basically past midnight) cause usually I'm knocked out until 9am. But now lately, I'm up until 3am and I wake up at 8am. ODD.

Anyways, you're probably wondering what's up with me lately and since I feel like bloggin'..I'll try to get through as many important facts as I can. Hehe.

The last time I wrote about relationship status, I was with Sean and we went off to China for the summer. Well, unfortunately I ended that relationship and was single for a good  8-9 months. Which is equivalent to the amount of time I was with Sean, and it made me ponder about my decision of breaking it off.

1) I was unhappy. I felt I put my whole heart in it, to be undeserving and mistreated.
2) I dropped weight and was a lot sexier and missed being hit on. ._.
etc etc.

I am in an amazing relationship now. He's my _______. My everything. <3 His name is Vincent and our story begins with a dance practice. My friend really wanted me to come out and I was super hesitant to even do it since I'm shy and I didn't know how it'd affect my studying. Well, she was the choreographer and we partnered up and the moment he grabbed my hand, I had no idea the impact he had on my heart.

Now, yes I am young, but not that naive. I've been through my fair share of men/boys and I can't stress enough that any human being with a penis is stupid. LOL. Okay, maybe thats not fair to say, but I learned a lot. I learned the consequences of being clingy, the problems of communication, the best sex (and the worst..), the lies, the betrayal, but most importantly to fight for love.

May be crazy to say, but love isn't just going to be this fairytale where everything falls into place. It's a science experiment really. You put two subjects together and BOTH must try to create a compound that's homogeneous. This compound is what makes the relationship strong, yet as the Law of Constant Composition by Dalton. Both compounds are still unique of its own properties. Meaning, you still are YOU, there shouldn't be just one party tossing their heart out and one party doing nothing about it.

In simple terms, be okay with having space to yourself. Your not a horrible person or being selfish. It's the moment where you realize when you are away and able to collect your own thoughts, that you begin to miss your special someone. If your constantly around the person, it'll cause habituation. Definition: the psychological process where a human's reponse to a stimulus is decreased after a repeated exposure over a period of time. So, you'll probably going to get bored and up to no good to fix that feeling. (i.e. cheating, picking fights..)

No matter what. Take risk and don't be afraid to give your heart to someone. I'm thankful that I've given my heart to Vincent. He's made it come back to life, and even through the pain of doubt I've given to his heart. Pesky little things they are. He can make me happy. I still feel guilty and wonder why I created this black hole of deceptions. I had thoughts of "What ifs.." which drove me crazy. I started saying irrational things that not only hurt me, but it hurt the person I love.

Now, even though I said love is a science. Love is not a experiment. Some changes can't be irreversible. It could make the compound inbearable and toxic in the end. UNLESS, as I said before the compound over time will grow and some changes may be forgiven.

I love you, Vincent Lin. I am truly lucky and think you should be proud of showing me how to love again. <3

AHHH WHICH ONE. Black or Cream/Ivory!??!!

Time and time and time. I think the best thing for a broken heart is having the experience. You cant just say to yourself, "Ok, I'm glad that's done, he was never going to be right for me anyway, and simply move on. You have to shed the tears; you have to purge it and have the full commitment to the fact that you're hurt. -Julia Roberts