Wednesday, 03 February 2010

  • The only
    butterflies
    that I like
    Are the kind I get
    when you Kiss me.

    At the eve of new years. Spending two hours acting fifteen years old again. Touching, but not to much. Close, but not close enough. My nose might press into your cheek when I laugh a little too hard, but our lips lie slightly out of line. "What are you thinking about?" Of course you know. But I say something that is not the curve of your face and is not the way your hair falls across your forehead and is not the heat of your hand pressed against my lower back. But it is.

    I know all of the motions like the back of my hand. And yet, it all feels new again.

    I'll pretend like I don't know how this ends.

Thursday, 03 December 2009

  • Just Feelin' Like Bloggin' Kind of Day

    Woke up at the crack of dawn to a foggy bitter cold day in Davis today.

    I convinced myself to get to my last Chemistry class today and proceeded to go to the bus stop. Sitting on the bus, I start to think about what has happen this year. I sometimes think I have a great memory, but honestly, I'm the most forgetful person ever.

    The year 2009 taught me I am still fearful and insecure.

    I wish I felt more safe (not speaking about dangerous rapist and threatening bombs) but more secure of myself.
    In high school, I built characteristics of leadership, organization, and morals.

    In college, it went downhill. I second-guess myself. I don't trust myself. I am doubtful.

    Maybe it was the hundreds of students on campus and not knowing one face, scared the living bejeebies outta me and made me feel home sick.
    Yet, even though family is less than 20 minutes away, the language barrier hurts our relationship and truly I don't have any family support at all. (i.e. My parents have no idea what the fcuk I'm doing in college.) Sure, I'm studying, but how do I tell them that I've got my heart broken or feel lonley sometimes.

    I try to be a strong-will'd person. Emphasis on try because its more like I'm fighting with myself to allow good things to happen to me.

    Everything in life has been given to me. Lucky right? Never worked. Never had to beg for anything. Never had rules. I've experienced everything and seen everything in life. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

    So, how come I'm not happy?

    I'm 19. Healthy. Loving Relationship(look at the older post) :). Living very well. Got money, clothes, the shoes, the purses..........but its empty in my soul.

    Hmm...

    That is all. At for the current moment, its the last week of instruction. I have a Sociology quiz to study for in a few hours, then back to studying for finals.

    Finals are next week. I'm officially done next Thursday at 10am.

    *EDIT: WOW. I realized the only times I blog depressingly is during finals. Check out Finals for Spring 2009. T_T Sigh...*




Monday, 24 August 2009

Monday, 06 July 2009

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

  • Currently
    BoA
    By BoA
    Come Back to Me
    see related

    random blurb - distractions from studying for finals :]

    When we fall we pick ourselves up in order to become a better person. When we struggle we perservere in order to find greatness.When we feel pain we turn to the loved ones who will provide comfort. When we fail we find a solution in order to find success. When we are successful we need to find it in ourselves to be humble. When we encounter the many obstacles we go through we realize that its...lifeā™„